Catholic wedding vows: the approved forms of consent, in current wording
The approved Catholic consent formulas in the current 2016 wording, the three questions asked beforehand, how the text changed from the older rite, and where personal words fit.
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Catholic wedding vows are not written by the couple. The wording comes from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, and in the United States the second edition, in use since 2016, replaced the older Rite of Marriage that most published guides still quote.
That matters, because several widely read pages are still printing the superseded text. The consent now promises to be faithful to you where the 1969 translation said to be true to you, and the ring formula now reads receive this ring rather than take this ring.
The wording is fixed for a reason worth understanding. In Catholic theology the couple are the ministers of the sacrament and their consent is what makes the marriage, so the Church specifies the words rather than leaving them open. You are not being denied self-expression; you are being handed the sentence that does the work.
The short answer
There are four approved forms of consent in the United States. Two are spoken as statements beginning I, N., take you, N.; two are asked by the celebrant and answered I do.
The vow wording cannot be replaced with personal vows in a Catholic ceremony. This is consistent across every source.
Before the consent, the celebrant asks three questions, about freedom from coercion, lifelong love and honour, and the acceptance of children.
Since 2016 the ring formula reads receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, replacing take this ring.
Personal words are welcome elsewhere: in the readings you choose, at the reception, or in a private exchange.
What changed in the 2016 rite
The second edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony was published in 2016, could be used from September of that year, and became obligatory in the United States on 30 December 2016, replacing the 1969 Rite of Marriage. Most of the changes are small and precise, and they are exactly the details a guide gets wrong if it was written before the change and never revisited.
The declarative consent now promises to be faithful to you where the 1969 translation said to be true to you. The ring formula changed from take this ring to receive this ring, a change commentators read as stressing the couple's free choice in the giving of rings. The people now make an acclamation after the celebrant receives the consent. New optional rites for the arras, the thirteen coins, and the lazo or veil were added for the United States, reflecting practice in Hispanic communities. The introduction to the rite grew from eighteen paragraphs to forty-four, and the Commemoration of the Couple became available in Eucharistic Prayers II and III rather than the first alone.
What did not change is the substance. The consent is still the couple's own act, still fixed in wording, and still the moment that makes the marriage.
The number of questions before the consent did not change: the 1969 rite and the current one both ask three, covering freedom from coercion, lifelong love and honour, and the acceptance of children.
The questions asked before consent
Before the vows themselves, the celebrant addresses the couple with three questions. They establish that the marriage is being entered freely and with the right intentions.
The first asks whether you have come here freely and wholeheartedly, without coercion, and is answered I have. The second asks whether you are prepared to love and honour each other for as long as you both shall live, answered I am. The third asks whether you are prepared to accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church, also answered I am.
The third question is normally omitted when the couple are beyond childbearing age. If it concerns you for any reason, raise it during marriage preparation rather than on the day.
Wording varies between national editions. England and Wales use statutory English wording plus a legally required civil declaration of freedom that the American book does not contain, and Ireland uses four formularies matching neither. Ask your parish for the text they will actually use.
Choosing between the four forms
The practical difference is between speaking and answering. The declarative forms ask you to say around forty-five words facing your partner. The interrogative forms have the celebrant speak the sentence and you answer I do.
Choose the interrogative form if either of you is genuinely worried about freezing. It is not a lesser option, it is the older one, and I do carries every bit as much weight as the full sentence. Note the small grammatical tell: the interrogative version ends until death do you part, because the priest is speaking about you rather than for you.
Between the two declarative forms, the second is closer to the traditional English of the prayer book, with to have and to hold, for better, for worse. The first is plainer and slightly shorter. Read both aloud and pick the one that does not make you stumble.
Where your own words can go
The consent is fixed. Almost everything around it is a choice, and couples routinely under-use that freedom.
You choose the readings, and the lectionary for weddings offers a substantial set from the Old Testament, the letters, the psalms, and the Gospels. Those choices say a great deal about what you understand marriage to be, and nobody will stop you spending real time on them.
You can also add a personal exchange outside the rite: a letter read privately on the morning, a few sentences at the reception before the first dance, or vows exchanged at a separate blessing. Many couples find the separation works better than a hybrid, because the ceremony stays what it is and the personal words get a room of their own.
The rings, the reception of consent, and the blessing
Immediately after the consent the celebrant confirms it, ending with the line what God joins together, let no one put asunder. The rings are then blessed and exchanged.
Each partner places a ring while saying: receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. In some communities the arras, thirteen coins, and the lazo or veil follow.
The nuptial blessing comes later, usually after the Lord's Prayer when the wedding is within Mass. It is a prayer over the couple rather than something you say, and it is one of the most striking parts of the rite to actually listen to rather than let pass in the blur.
Planning around a Catholic ceremony
A wedding within Mass usually runs about an hour; outside Mass, thirty to forty minutes. Most dioceses ask couples to begin preparation six months to a year in advance, and a marriage preparation programme is standard.
If one partner is not Catholic, the wedding is often celebrated outside Mass, which shortens the ceremony and simplifies communion. This is normal and is not a lesser form of the rite.
Ask your parish three questions early: which form of consent they use, whether personal additions are permitted anywhere in the liturgy, and what the music policy is. Those three answers determine most of what you can plan.
Full wordings you can use
Read the complete text, copy it, or take it into the private writer and make it yours.
Form one: the declarative consent
The plainest approved form, in the current 2016 wording. Spoken by each partner in turn.
Spoken by each partner
I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.
about 20 seconds spoken40 words
The older 1969 rite said to be true to you. Faithful is the current wording.
Form two: the declarative consent, traditional language
Closest to the historic English wording. Note to love and to cherish, which the older rite did not include.
Spoken by each partner
I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.
about 21 seconds spoken41 words
Form three: consent by question and answer
The celebrant asks, each partner answers. Choose this if nerves are a real concern.
Celebrant
[Name], do you take [name] to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her, and to honor her all the days of your life?
Response
I do.
about 21 seconds spoken43 words
Form four: consent by question, traditional language
The interrogative version of the to have and to hold wording.
Celebrant
[Name], do you take [name] for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?
Response
I do.
about 21 seconds spoken43 words
Until death do you part, not us. The celebrant is speaking about the couple rather than for them.
The reception of consent and the giving of rings
What follows immediately after the vows.
Celebrant
What God joins together, let no one put asunder.
Spoken by each partner
[Name], receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
about 19 seconds spoken36 words
Receive this ring is the 2016 wording. The older rite said take this ring, which is still widely reprinted online.
Examples to adapt
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FAQs
What are the Catholic wedding vows?
The approved English wording is: I, N., take you, N., to be my wife or husband. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life. Three other approved forms exist, including two the celebrant asks and you answer with I do.
Did the Catholic wedding vows change?
Yes. The second edition of the Order of Celebrating Matrimony became obligatory in the United States on 30 December 2016. The consent now promises to be faithful rather than to be true, the ring formula became receive this ring rather than take this ring, the people make an acclamation after the consent is received, and optional rites for the arras and the lazo or veil were added. The three questions before the consent were not changed.
Can you write your own vows in a Catholic wedding?
Not in place of the consent. The vow wording is the sacramental form and is set by the rite. You choose the readings, and many couples exchange personal words privately or at the reception instead.
What questions does the priest ask before Catholic vows?
Three: whether you have come freely and wholeheartedly without coercion, whether you are prepared to love and honour each other for as long as you both shall live, and whether you are prepared to accept children lovingly from God and raise them in the faith. The third is omitted when the couple are beyond childbearing age.
Do Catholic wedding vows include the word obey?
No. None of the approved forms of consent in the current rite contains obey. That word belongs to the older Book of Common Prayer tradition, not to the Catholic marriage rite.
How long is a Catholic wedding ceremony?
About an hour when celebrated within Mass and thirty to forty minutes outside Mass. The consent itself takes under a minute; the rest is the liturgy around it.
What do you say when giving the rings in a Catholic wedding?
Receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. The celebrant blesses the rings before they are exchanged.
What if only one of us is Catholic?
The wedding is usually celebrated outside Mass, which is normal and fully valid. Speak to the parish early, because a dispensation may be needed and the preparation timeline is unchanged.
Where this wording comes from
Liturgical and legal wording is quoted from the published texts below. Local practice still varies, so confirm with your officiant.
USCCB, MatrimonyThe rite itself is copyright ICEL and is not reproduced in full here; the formulas are quoted for reference. Your parish holds the edition it uses.
Archdiocese of Dublin, ceremony textsThe four declaration-of-consent formularies approved for use in Ireland, none of which matches the United States or England and Wales wording.
